Having a STEM degree doesnt guarantee you a relevant job, and working in retail/service does not mean your qualifications are worthless. Her and her mother for how they treated you. At least she'll get some work experience which will help her get through her save-the-world phase, and perhaps she'll pick up a marketable skill along the way. Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. Your daughter for not trying to understand your side of the situation/story. She said nothing the first time, and then started crying. BTW she was studying electrical engineering. You should finish paying for her school regardless of what major she chooses because youre her parent and you can and you want her to have an education. Teenagers take stupid decisions and sometimes drastic measures r reqd. Do you mean NAH or do you think the daughter is TA? What does attempting to have a relationship look like in your mind? YTA. Told her what my expectations were and to let me know what her plan is so I can move the money around. Sorry not sorry. Based on how much she's making, the amount equal to the broader city average rent is what me and my husband decided on. If her opinions is not something you can agree on, why should you be paying? Your child needs to take some accountability now that she's an adult and get therapy specifically for alienated children of divorced parents. There were things said about him which he has tried to refute, but he didn't make mention of her knowing that he was cheated on. However, once they reach a certain age, that confidence diminishes due to external factors such as having to work twice as hard to show your worth, teachers praises only directed towards boys, sexism in a school setting, etc. there was an expectation for him to pay and according to everything written by OP, that expectation never came with a stipulation so yes.. dad is TA for just deciding NOW that the money is conditoinal. It's definitely not a worthless degree, if your concern is solely future employment prospects. I wish you and your ex did more to be good parents to your daughter. Tori wasnt a saint too, i guess. last-kid 27646 S x 51 2021-02-13 05:16:05. So its been around a month since I posted the original post. You can offer advice and try and help guide her in the best direction, but the moment you tell her this what youre doing when it comes to picking her college major, you are setting yourself up for her to not take you seriously. The mother paid and then asked why he hasnt paid yet, and THEN he gave the ultimatum. AITA? It's like your prejudices don't make you objectively smart or something. Neither one is a particularly good outcome, is it, dad? Thats fine to do at her age, but not when its on your dime. She refuses. That's just a person searching for injustices. You can't expect people to just give you large sums of money for whatever you want. It doesn't matter when you do them, you still get full amounts. Ugh. Idk any smaller ones, and have no time to research that myself, but she should know what she's getting into. Don't worry, they'll still retain all the male privilege conferred upon them by society. Oh. But yeah, sounds like you approached it like YTA. Even if a software engineer can make their own graphics, its a better use of their time to develop software. That's crazy you can't switch majors. But at this point Ariel is being nasty for the sake of it. You should go to their house for dinner in long flowy robes and bring tarrot cards and ask to read them because it's on your final exam lolol. The world of work is now different to the world of your parents and probably teachers. I think its psychologically damaging. Alternatively, graduate with an engineering degree, and then go into womens studies. Everyone does suck here, in a lot of different ways. People can also end up in jobs completely unrelated to their major, I have a friend who majored in psychology and now works at an insurance company as an adjuster and my partner majored in environmental governance and is now a real estate agent. How is womens studies offensive to you? Even if you are legally in the right; lawyer fees are expensive. I think you're just trying to look out for your daughter like any good parent. You didnt, and now you are punishing Ariel for your failures. Of course it's you right to withhold your money if you so please. (Not getting at retail, perfectly good career path with options, just didn't enjoy it!). But that was IT. I get a call from Lauren saying she paid the first semester and was wondering when Id be paying. Ariel may be an asshole, but shes by far the least culpable of all the parties in this shitshow, because shes had exactly zero adults to teach her how not to be an asshole. Your daughter is an adult. Its quite clear. Is the value that she offends a love of capitalism? He questioned his sons interest in medieval studies, in exactly the same way. She's young, he needs to move forward with tact because she's still in the middle of her emotions. Yeah, nobody blue collar trusts HR. I think too many people are putting their own bias on this. I'm amazed at how bridged this post is with people praising this type of degree. Thats where she can really make a difference. Ariel is being fed lies by her mom. I dont think the condition for your payment should be unless Ariel attempts a relationship with your family, I think it should be unless Lauren apologizes to you and tells Ariel the truth. Considering you dont seem to understand that your obviously in the wrong before you made this post makes me sick. But now I wonder how long was Tori planning all this, how much did she manipulated the situation? Edit: Gender studies isn't to make you hate others, but to be cognizant of bias in society. For what its worth i took plenty of social justice oriented courses in college. Built by men for men. NTA. You were right to say find job prospects you were wrong to withhold funds. Why on earth, even as a conservative, would studies offend you? The HR department (2 people) at my company is great, and like minded to you, the top leadership at the company just holds them back on these values, especially transparency, which is frustrating for general staff and management. She started freaking out asking why and it was her money, and I asked her to listen. Perhaps things like Congress? I see a lot of people saying YTA but I am 100% with you on this especially if she hasnt done the research out there. (I am a college prof - +20 years). Why make assertions about my friends who youve never met being sexist? I actually do know quite a few people in aerospace and havent heard many say anything about losing their work, but I cant speak for every company and every area. She's an adult now, cut her off and let her figure it out. I don't regret having switched, but sometimes I wonder. That and the actual incompetent ones get drummed out due to aforementioned asshattery. This is untrue because behind every company logo and cereal box is an artist. Let me help you: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_studies. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for you to require a degree that will actually get her a decent paying career. College degrees can be such a toss up with whats hiring that if theyre happy and making a living more power to them. She can take out loans and do it herself. He gave zero indication that she's nasty besides the fact that she only talks to him and not the other two, only invites him and not the other two. Women's studies is definitely not. being a solo criminal lawyer or doing public interest work means making not that much money especially in comparison to how much was spent on your degrees. I think that seems fair. You got a good job because you went to graduate school. You want her to have a good career in mechanical engineering with great job prospects, an activist isn't going to pay the bills. I dont think people understand the power of their words at time. When so many people are working for income so far removed from the actual value of their labor, HR is already fighting uphill. Great, just great. If you truly believed your arguments could stand on their own you wouldnt need to slip in insults at the end. So while it might feel like a big betrayal on your end, it really isn't too far fetched that Ariel wouldn't invite family she isn't close to, to a highschool graduation party, especially given she isn't even that close to you, her own father. Unfortunately critical thinking and research skills are topics commonly taught in humanities courses, which he thinks are useless an inapplicable to his values. YTA. He just is worried about his daughters future. She did eventually find a job not in her field as some school psychologist or something like that (can't remember tbh). Actually there are circumstances where it would be ok. My former boss gas 3 kids. Even if she paid for her education and studied what she wants, op would probably find some other thing to take from her if she doesn't conform to his wishes. But at the same time she chose to pick the mothers side and believe the nonsense told to her and let it influence her behavior towards that part of her family. You may be rough around the edges/a little offensive with how youre communicating it but the sentiment is there and its correct. NTA. imagine having a parent who shits on your dreams and passions and also proves why women studies need to exist. She just wants dad as a means to get through college and I bet she's never hear from him after that. Bet no womens study program can claim the same, Edit: adding my NTA to the clusterfuck of votes saying that this single dad has to pay for his daughter to get a useless degree. But, youre not wrong for wanting her to consider her path more seriously and really look at the opportunities for degrees. University classes do not define your future - you capacity to continue to learn does. He didnt even say no flat out, he said his initial reaction was no but the offer on the table is that if she can demonstrate to him that she would be able to make a living after college with a degree in womens studies, hell continue to pay for college. This!!!! She's signed up for one women's studies class this semester, feels like she'd like to change majors but hasn't researched jobs yet? Academic courses on sociology, history, literature, and psychology that are focused on women and their roles in each throughout society. that is not the point of higher education. The news is misrepresentative propaganda. She got her 18 years of child support from me. I used to deal with HR regularly. But by the comments you're leaving all over the place, I know you probably won't do that. No offense to you at all, but as an undergraduate biology major from a top 15 school, a biology major is probably one of the most useless STEM degrees there are. Im horrified to that he didnt even bring it up on his own. The only thing that can come out of that is Ariel pretending to enjoy them for the minimum time for $. YTA. His value is working for a living and being able to support yourself. Being an activist is not a career. Apologize for being rude. I have a six year old and they aren't evil and manipulative, they are vulnerable and dependent, you have to mean to them for them to actively be against you. AITA telling my ex husband I won't 'babysit' my daughter. It offends you because you don't agree with it so you want her choose a career which she obviously doesn't want to go into. Which is funny because an engineering degree brought me closer to that than any womens studies classes /s. And possibly forcing it would make me such. Just because its not what you thought doesnt mean she wont be able to have a successful, lucrative life. There's no need to pretend otherwise. YTA but I think you have a point. Those who do manage to are rare outliers. YTA You're using financial pressure to impose your views on your daughter. Guys hes misinformed based on his comments hes think news(The sexist ones in particular) feminists SJWs are very different dude NAH though you were just misinformed. Its not for everyone. If she wants a relationship with you, let her come to you on her own accord. I decided to pursue an Engineering degree, achieving a high BSc qualification. Its not specifically about liberal womens study he has an issue with. It's kinda odd to lean on the person that helped dissolve his marriage and then marry her. You're right. Try and understand at least. Looked at the curriculum? Flirting in bars and some messages? As a parent I totally get it. This point depends a bit on what exactly she has done that is rude, but I think her not wanting a relationship is unfortunate but reasonable. So figure it out. YTA if this offends your values and YTA if this is a cover for some other issue. It would offend me as well to pay four years tuition if the only return was a paper on the wall and a good feeling inside. More like the daughter will disown him for not allowing her to pursue her passion. She is probably 20, she can study this and do something else. You will be lucky if your daughter ever wishes to talk to you regardless of whether you agree to pay. Edit. Either way, you committed to support your child. The thing about help is that it's supposed to be no strings attached. We moved into Laurens familys. This is vital info. And its also very understandable that your daughter would be pissed at your response because she was hoping for support. The social justice movement needs all kinds of talent. Civil engineering grad from the UK here. Read this before contacting the mod team, Nta . I JUST got custody of my oldest after fighting a decade, and I can tell you from experience THIS IS HARD. Daughter can choose whatever major she wants and if she has a viable post-college plan at that point, whether grad school or something else, then dad will continue paying. Additionally, more and more jobs in the US require a Masters (even when the subject doesnt require it). However, the research, critical thinking and writing skills I learned in my undergrad helped me succeed in law school and have made me a better lawyer. do parents not pay for their sons' education if they're able? He is a teen so I dont take it to heart. Good job proving your point. If I were you, I would rather she go to school for something she enjoys, as opposed to forcing her to do something she hates. My wife works in the non-profit sector, I work in the for-profit sector. Your ex wife hasnt had the time to figure out her finances without your money. don't forget, the daughter had the opportunity to get to know OP's family when she visited so she could make her own determination and didn't, she deserves this (no college tuition etc.) I have a minor in women and gender studies and youre right gender is considered a construct but we never did an all men are bad section. Women's studies job prospects even if there are jobs likely hardly pay bills. I forgot to add, I am sometimes jealous that you guys get a wider range of modules to pick from. A degree in women's studies could be a nice thing to have in these times that are a changin'. Being an activist literally pays my bills, and I get to sleep well every night knowing that Im contributing with my work to a better quality of life and future for millions of people. As to your other generalizations, thats all they are. Also liberal arts majors and gender studies majors are not all working at Starbucks in fact its pretty versatile and if she does get activist burn out she can pivot to something else pretty easily with the research skills you learned. Thats awesome, she should do a minor in something related to data or analytics, thats a big field in non-profit work. Activism is a legitimate field and senior staff at a lot of social justice organizations make Fortune 100 type salaries. There is a good chance that almost any mech eng job pays more than HR. But womens studies is less of something with a fleshed out career path. A version of this seems to happen more often than it doesnt. Honestly, i sympathise with you and i think the real AH here is your ex-wife who has clearly manipulatted your daughter. YTA, "I know nothing about what this course of study involves, and rather than undertaking some research to find out, I think I'll object on the basis of my own uninformed assumptions. Nothing in your post dictates that YTA, but I'm assuming you put your true feelings in the title. It wouldn't be real. NTA It appears that your first question was to ask her where she would be able to get a job and what income range she would be in (paraphrasing). That's life. She is asking you to finance her political views, which you do not share. He also forgot to mention specifically what she did besides leave them out of graduation and avoid them that makes her so mean and nasty. Or even manipulative mostly on Lauren nothing on ariel to explain how shes behaving. It is also shitty to back out of that payment when her classes very likely have started or are about too and its too late for her to get loans and/or scholarships until next semester. However as much as they also don't believe in therapy I was still allowed to pursue it and am on my last year of the degree. Wtf is wrong with basket weaving? She could go further by working and mentoring undeserved youth. Her experience as a legal secretary and degree in business administration sure came in handy, both in her job and her avocation. The post never mentions that, we have to assume that there will not be further education and the daughter will be working with only a womens studies degree. I am conservative and I think gender studies, psychology, humanities etc are important and lead to a more well rounded individual. A reason she may not want to try to explain this to him is that he doesn't even want to have the language to discuss it. Good luck- but dont pay for her indictrination, if she at least has to work in the real world for that degree, she might bot completely use touch with reality. Is it possible that the stepmom is coming between her relationship with her dad, hmmm I don't know, similarly to what she did with the wife? People who get engineering degrees when they didn't want one terrify me. The skill set is much more narrow. OP 100% could have handled it better. There is no need for her to be rude to your family, but she does not need to have a relationship with them. Most of the jobs you posted just require a degree. You cant handle that though. I asked her what was the matter. Don't say a single word until she's done explaining. There was (is?) Really, how does womens studies offend your values? And I feel like theres some inconsistency here. Right, and this is why OP doesnt want to shell out crazy amounts of money for her new major. For every full class of students, there is one teacher. Conditional support for your child will always be an AH move. I did. I remarried Tori when Ariel was 6. I wasn't even living in the same country when her parents split up because mom cheated with dads best friend. Youre tik toked out of your mind. When your whole life centres on activism and you never really hold a job for any significant amount of time in the corporate world or try to work your way up the chain you naturally become pretty disconnected from reality. Dad is being high handed and not giving space for 18-year-old idealism, daughter is willfully ignoring dad's relevant question about employability (yes, there are employment options as a Women's Study Major, but she should know what they are before she commits to the degree). You would think. Her degree is a mistake too time consuming and too expensive to make. Who knows what the job prospects are for ANY degree in this lovely covid economy trump has us in. That being said, I'm happy you were able to form your own opinion with your parents, but most families it doesn't end up working out that way and the person who is poisoning the kids ends up winning (usually). No, Im not a Trump person. YTA for giving her an ultimatum and saying that women's studies is against your values. ESH, well I'm really concerned with how women's studies offends your values. I make 40k a year. Dealt with many an HR through the years, you must be new if you claim to be going to bat for employees. Kiddo can't have her cake and eat it too. AITA. Women are already discriminated against, what parent wants to make their daughter's life more difficult? I ended up being drawn to the social sciences and saw that economics mirrored the engineering disciplines due to its intensive math (my school req calc 1,2,3 and proofs) and applied econometrics. People are reading too much into this. Full control and custody. She became a teacher instead. How long is he expected to pay for things while being treated like an ATM? And 13 years later she is still being rude to your son and wife. Forms for college grants and loans are due in winter for the following year. But I guess we dont do compromises here. Or do you have prejudices towards it because it's called "women studies"? And it is so true. Your money, your choice. My parents speak Tamil and I respond in English (in my case because my school told my parents I should only be speaking English). I work for a large company. Same here. Just bc you want something at one time doesn't mean it's going to be good for you or useful in the long run. Your money, you're still a parent, and you don't need to support every life decision of an adult child. Just very sad reading these stories regardless of whose at fault.. YTA because you changed the money rules right as she is starting college. It is a bullshit degree though. WOW. There are so many jobs that involve women studies and activism - she could work for or at a shelter, for NFP, she could be a police or business consultant, she could find a good job in HR, or at a crisis centre or even as a healthcare advocate, etc. Have you actually done FAFSA forms before? A bunch of spoiled children on this sub will tell you that you the A, but don't listen to them. She's definitely caught up in the climate of college and of the time time in history with the election and all of the protests. My point is, you dont need a DEDICATED women studies degree to be an activist. Ok I get that you are worried but you are going about this all wrong. I wish my old company had an HR department. It's context dependent. It seems like you've projected a lot ofstuffinto this analysis. If it's about the women's part of the studies being against your values, I can't help you there. If my father had forced me to take a "more employable" degree instead of being proud and supportive I probably wouldn't be doing what I do now, and I really love my job. Salaries and benefits are great for the area, so it's not that. But she needs to study something that she can live from. Thank god there are some people who choose a career for interests other than purely money. YTA. Hes concerned with her making a career out of being an activist to failure to understand that activism comes in many shapes including highly paying ones. It's very kind of you to pay for her college, but that doesn't give you a free pass to act however you want and not be an AH. She was top of her class, excelled on every level. She can try to convince you. Where can I get that deal. No, encouraging them to pursue a field of study with good job prospects does. Your laughably wrong views about womens studies only show exactly why society needs more womens studies majors. If you're ex wanted you to help with your daughter's school then she shouldn't have turned your daughter against you. However, there are absolutely jobs out there that are focused around activism, and improving society. These were the expenses she actually paid for. Also (personal view) if you can afford to pay for college for your kids, you owe them that much. even if she changes her mind, at the end of the day the money you made from working is your money, This kind of reminds me of this documentary on those Undergads in UTexas back in '03. This! I would encourage you to think hard about whats most important to you, having a good relationship with your daughter or your ego. This is a toughie since I can see both sides to YTA and NTA. Almost all my friends are engineers and are employed. NTA, youre looking out for your daughters future, she can major in engineering and minor in womens studies. Or even consider a double major.". Sometimes kids do not like their stepparents. There is nothing wrong with that, especially given the cost of education. It has just as much value as any other humanities degree. He was quite clear that her being a social justice warrior offends his conservative values. She can be an engineer and also a protester/sjw, like you said. Obviously not talking about employment - he thinks womens studies turns you into a feminist and thats bad or something like that. ESH. Hubby would have to be making significant money to provide cars and tuition for SIX children. She could also work. Its not a useless degree. You refer to "paying for child support for 18 years" as though you are doing your daughter a huge favour.like that is the bare minimum and should be expected. Ive spent thousands on therapy before people bring that up. Her mother never should have manipulated her world view of her fathers new marriage. NTA what everyone seems to be missing here is that you are not required to pay for anything. Using money to force a relationship with your family is an AH,move. No worries! Makes more sense to have self studied engineering than to have gone to some crappy third tier school for some "accredition" that's worth less than the paper the degrees printed on. One works for a Global NPO advocating for womens right across the world. I think she will thank you later. My dad left his first wife after she got pregnant by another man and my dad's kids from that marriage painted him as the bad guy for leaving. He isn't an asshole for not paying - he is an asshole for not communicating that he wasn't paying earlier and waiting until the beginning of the semester. That woman was honest to him and a better friend. He doesnt want to pay for her degree anymore. She sucks because mechanical engineering is a better field and she is letting her emotions rule her judgment. fuck no. The industry is crying out for them - utilities, IT (incl IT security), manufacturing, telecoms, generation. Whenever she spends the night she will just talk to me or go to her room if my family was around. Lauren used this to warp Ariel against Tori and our son (13M). If she wants to pursue women's studies, she should pay for it herself. He was not a good president for a large part of America that your daughter cares about but you clearly dont. Not even close, where is any mention of the daughter having to pay back any of the money? People aren't holding back in this thread about a dad who won't pay for his daughter's tuition if she takes a semester off. BS/BA in basically any field doesnt automatically lead to a job in that field. I am concerned with your daughter's prospects, but I would suggest more then just a engineer. U might want her to build her own opinion, but THEY most certainly dont and will make sure she wont since there are no opinions for them, only woke and hitler. This sounds about right. Try to use this and ask her to tell you what she thinks. So I dont know Im just saying everyone sucks lol, Make it known that her mom was the one who cheated. Lots of guys at r/personalfinance ask this sort of question every week and the consensus seems to be that the degree is not worth huge amount of money unless you have solid career options. The difference is pay out of college for Mech Engineering entry level. That way she can be set up for both when she graduates. About 10% of EEs are women, and I can tell you this isn't true. TLDR; there are lots of well paid activist careers that are fairly easy to get into especially with a university degree and if hes going back on his word right now to place added conditions then shes going to remember this and go out of her way to never need to ask him for help again. Thats what my parents feared I think. if she decides that she wants to help shape young minds, she can always teach womens studies. Look at her, she is already acting like an activist! I think they, in general, got a lot of shit from crappy male co-workers and now are unwilling to be anything but the best to show the asshats up. Also, HR .. just like almost every other position where you are paid to provide a service or work is there to serve the business. Maybe certain engineering types in certain areas are having issues, but as long as new industries are growing, and new technologies are being invented, we need more engineers. But Im getting shit from others. YTA maybe you should look at why it offends your values and why you don't want your daughter to be happy. can't wait for OP's daughter to get a women's studies degree and drop those sick beats after, She can spread her message through her life changing music. My (42F) daughter (17F) used to be an a+ student. NTA - Clearly Lauren is the biggest asshole here. You don't need a degree to be an sjw. Encourage her to take courses in both and double major. you kept in touch with her mother's best friend throughout your divorce to her mother, then started a relationship, and then a family with her, she hasn't spurned you as her father, just the family you made after divorcing her mother, you agreed to pay for her college and now you're telling her you won't and she should take out loans, which if you guys are American is a HUGE thing (people who take loans for college have wound up in debt for decades because of the interest rate), you told her that your obligation to her as her father ended when she turned 18 (sure you didn't say that to her, but you texted it to her mother and if her mother is as manipulative as you say you can bet your a** she showed that part to your daughter). This sub is 75%female so you're not going to get a great answer here, but your daughter wants to spend a bunch of your money to get a education that won't really qualify her for anything more then making a latte. YTA. And since this is your money, again, you get to decide whether you fund her education. Perhaps the problem is that people were indoctrinated to think strong, smart women are evil manhaters and thus women's studies are evil. What it entails and the routes she can take on completion? I have mixed feelings about his views. You never know where a field of study will take you. I know a couple Mech Eng graduates who struggle to find work in their field as pretty much everyone has heard that 'there's plenty of work in Engineering!'. Why on earth is he now obligated to pay for her college? Law and pshychology Masters or post grad can absolutely be done with a womens studies undergraduate. I think the value in this case is the value one can add to society. Withdrawing that support will impact your relationship. Spending thousands on therapy does not fit a narrative that hes been passive in all this. YTA. That loser never held down a steady job. You got this OP- give your daughter the opportunity to show you that shes that bright young adult you mentioned before and that she has the maturity to compromise. Let's be real women studies major is totally useless and career prospects are abysmal. I went to a college because I was supposed to, got a practical degree because I was supposed to, and now what? Plus, nothing in there says that he let her know before she started school that he would only pay for her degree if she majored in something he approved of. You want her to get a job after her degree, not be a taxi driver. 40. Im just saying from my own experience not to underestimate the insidious power of parental alienation. My brother worked in hospitality for awhile and didnt like it. You can actually submit forms at any time. It can't just be the whole employment/job thing in that case. NTA, dont waste your money getting your daughter a useless degree. Talk about keeping her degree but minoring in woman's studies or maybe even double majoring so she has the best of both worlds. NAH. Yeah, it's not illegal for him not to pay his daughter. Also started college as an engineer, dropped it after a semester. It gives me off very shady vibes. https://cew.georgetown.edu/cew-reports/valueofcollegemajors/#resources. It goes way past the carrying capacity of its entry-level job market. Sure, you may have an idea that youd like to work for Company X as an expert on Y, but it rarely works like that. i read this as a dad who would be ok with what ever his daughter studied as long as she can show that she can survive on her own at the end of it. Also can't stress this enough its my opinion that its a waste if a career move. But there ARE jobs for people who graduate with woman studies degrees. She doesn't WANT to pursue a STEM degree anymore, though. "My daughter (27 F [emale]) is getting married in the fall.". and our I pleaded with her to please not throw away her future for someone who she can't see herself having a life with. Ariel graduated from HS in may and hosted a party. Were there times we had to cave and give in to company policy? What guidance does the school offer and how has she utilized it? The best way to decide if an idea has merit is to learn more about it. You can't control her whole life to fit what you want. OP is using his funds to provide an education for his daughter with the intent being to have skills for her to live comfortably. spending that much money on an undergrad degree was her main problem. I understand that it is hurtful, and to be fair, Ariel should probably be going to therapy to work through some of the resentment she has from the divorce. One runs a domestic abuse survivor program. All OP is asking is for the daughter to do career research before switching. It started from when I was six, but she really started bad mouthing my dad in my teenage years and it was relentless. I now I wouldn't do that, no matter what the education is. People citing social work jobs need to check out the average salary of social workers. I would have said ESH but truthfully, youre TA in this circumstance. There's a big difference between simply agreeing with equal opportunity and identifying as a feminist. Your only saving grace is if it is about employment opportunities. And she doesnt have to like them. I WISH this is all I had to do to get my college degree paid for. However, I don't think that ultimatum was the way to go, also, might be a little late to take drastic actions. Its free, Source: interned at my colleges career services. Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Nta, INFO are you against her choice because sjw or no plan in life, Shes TA for choosing a shit degree and having no plan in life except being an AcTiViSt, Shes TA for choosing a shit degree and having not plan in life except being an AcTiViSt, Definitely NTA. It might be a benifit too as long as it's done in a positive manner. I was a chemical engineering major and the amount of sexism i experienced from professors and students was enough to affect me mentally. If you want her to be employable, focus on those, because no one gave a crap what I majored in on the job hunt. A mech eng degree will give her more opportunities and more well payed jobs, and the examples you gave just really show that IRL the degree she want's is pretty much useless since she would still need a master, and she could do psycology or law without the degree she wants. It is an interdisciplinary subject closely related to sociology and other social sciences. Maybe his "value" is being a valuable member of society. Women ARE offensive. You pay for her education. YTA for trying to influence normies via such an high profile sub. He tried fixing things so many times and she just not care one bit. After 5 years I mentioned the word university and they jumped at the idea. Laurens friend Tori (38F) told me that Lauren had been messaging guys and when they went out she would give out her number. Its not unreasonable. We live in a hard world and income is a must. It just all came barrelling out at us, mainly me. I majored in philosophy. Most of them have no concept of what they want to do and they weren't ready. NTA womens studies is a made up thing, totally boring, useless in the real world and will be a forgotten academic topic in 20 years. It's OPs money, and he has every right to stop funding her because of something that doesn't agree with his values (However wrong, bigoted, misogynistic or whatever those values may be). We both know it's a useless degree with no real job opportunities. Full control and custody. So long as they aren't harming others, I'd rather my kids do what fulfills them. So until she planned on setting the record straight that I was done with both of them. I'll get off your lawn now even though I'm older than you. It sucks. You are being an AH, you have some very incorrect ideas, and you should really have a seat and let your daughter grow into whoever shes going to be. Its scary how easily she transferred all her emotions to me and consumed my true feelings. Since then I've had a distrust for HR. If you have an issue with paying for it, but still care for her, help her find alternative methods of payment, that sort of comes with being her father. WTF was I thinking - that I was going to become a linguist? I thought I was the only one scratching my head at that. A mechanical engineering degree does hold far more value in the marketplace. There is a way of coming across as not being "an asshole who doesn't support her dreams". A decent compromise might be that dad pays for the first two years if daughter goes undeclared and does a variety of pre-reqs and core classes. Law school is very expensive, and there often isnt a job available to justify the debt, unless you go to a top school. . She's still entitled to use the credit card as she liked. Time for her to realise she's no longer a child. There are some degrees out there that arent that useful in bringing in a decent income. Why dont you actually ask your daughter what the degree entails instead of listening your conservative BS. Its not fair to ask her to do both if shes not actually interested in one - I entered Uni as an Aerospace Engineer and finished with a degree in arts (have fun guessing my actual major). Youre an asshole for calling her passion stupid and not being able to pay the bills is not true, so long as shes career-saavy. HOWEVER if this is the first time you've said funding is dependent on you approving her course then that's unfair and could serious damage you relationship with her, as once again a man is trying to control a woman. Students get shitty grades pursuing courses of study/majors they dont like (but family pushes them to do). And blocked her.. It also really depends on what she means by being an activist, there are definitely non profit organization jobs out there. Be kind in your interactions with her. But now Im a licensed counselor and certified addictions counselor in my state and currently studying for my PsyD and he couldnt be more prouder. But to immediately run and tell the husband AND stick around to provide emotional support and a soft sholder?? I think youre gonna have to find a new website for that. You can support someones decision and not have to find it, better choice would be a law degree with a minor gender studies jmho though mean salary is about 75k. You're describing exactly what my father did. You gave her multiple options, one of which include the path she wants to go down. She never made that much. They got jobs immediately after uni. She needs a plan if she wants a degree. I wouldnt say the daughter is an asshole, because this is all shes known. YTA - for telling her off for following her dreams and telling her what you wanted her to be. Yes, there are WAY easier ways to accomplish what you want. Thats the thing, I dont think OP is proud of her. There are plenty of areas where engineers are desperately needed. It seems quite biased. Its also.weirdly counterproductive if shes interested in womens studies to change her major from engineering to womens studies. Each of these types of employment also has regular legal changes, there are unions to deal with and lots of osha a other regulations to maintain etc. View on Libreddit, an alternative private front-end to Reddit. They are less prone to planning. I have a bachelor of fine arts and today I am a software engineer. Professors romanticized through starving artist scenario and I fell for it. Even though youre not learning upper level physics, you still have to take things like statistics, and even just having a solid grasp on statistics, ability to use Microsoft programs, and even just low level taking computer sciences to fill your requirements gives enough background in those things to put on your resum. This type of controlling behavior is a good way lose a daughter. If he made this decision he should have told her when she was applying for financial aid. Then take out a loan like many others or try to get scholarships as plenty of those exists. If you think womens studies is worthless, then do you also think philosophy, political science, history, sociology, and anthropology degrees are worthless since womens studies covers those subject areas as well? This will be her life, let her! Go back to your daughter, apologize for the dismissiveness, and actually listen to her explain the field and her career plans this time. You could argue if he was forcing her to study women studies, it is actually making her life harder, by supporting herself, paying her bills, etc. Women's Studies is one of those "take for fun" courses that you take when your retired. Imo the feminist/ social justice way for your daughter would be to do mech eng as there is a distinct imbalance of genders in this area. It may be cringeworthy to you but no. I love and support her regardless, but I dont think college is a good investment without the payoff of a good job at the end. Daughter can choose whatever major she wants and if she has a viable post-college plan at that point, whether grad school or something else, then dad will continue paying regardless of the major. As a parent myself I would say NTA. With his attitude I dont think showing that jobs exist will be enough. Do you not understand sarcasm? Its fine! As long as you've been you would be okay with ANY degree as long as she can demonstrate job opportunities - I think that's fine. There's only so much abuse you can put up with. That's manipulative. Its her education, not yours, even if youre the one so 'graciously' paying for it. Im a 19 year old woman (probably just like OPs daughter!). Surely a young child who spends half her time at dads where little baby brother is, would have developed some type of relationship with him. YTA because of the way it was said and the message you sent. The daughter will forever see it as "dad could've helped me, but he chose not to". This is no different in my mind, all the Dad is asking is that she show that women's studies can take her into a career that she can earn a livable wage at. Its crazy to me that this subreddit will advocate kids cutting out their parents, but the parents should be a punching bag to their kids forever (unless the kid is an addict). You be you, dad. I do agree that her potential job market is a little rocky but she is an adult and she will have to make that market work. What more could he have done? Its basically a demonstration of I love you if you conform.. Hell thank his dad instead of me even if he knows that its from me. Then decided to do something else, and have worked outside my field for 17 years. YTA, you cant buy a relationship. Its not good for you, your family or your daughter and will probably just cause resentment from all parties involved. Public relations director But not everyone's life goal is to get a high paying career. Except 2 extra years of college fees and living costs is nothing to sneeze at! Conditional support from your parents is normal for some, and gut-wrenching for others. So anyone else see this as a viable option? Thanks to every single person who responded. NAH. oP should send her the post. Probably gonna get pushback but NAH. There is a good chance she will pay for it herself through loans. Thats basically what happened to me. Activist burnout is a distinct possibility. I work in a nonprofit. The lawyer mediated any disputes that went above the manager level, and acted only in the best interests of the company. YTA - She's trying to find her path in life and you're abusing her. A women's studies major may be just that, it also may be better coupled with something else.. I took out student loans. Best of luck! She went into HR. YTA unless you can give me a good reason why womens studies offends your values. This situation is kinda funny in a way. I really struggled through my final year and wish I'd had the chance to reassess before that. Not impossible, but not likely. " Th is is clickbait!! Maybe she needs to pursue a law degree as a way to help her causes best? If her having a relationship with your family was a stipulation for college funds, that should have been made clear at some point BEFORE college was about to start. You are a grown man. You have 2 choices here really, continue to be an asshole and seriously risk some real tough times with your daughter (you take away funding, she'll find a way without you); or, you grow a pair, put down your pride, let your daughter be the adult she is and maybe actually learn something along the way. He explicitly said in the comments that he would pay for it if she shows him but instead she chose to shut down and ALSO tell him she doesn't even know anything about the degree. She could also do pro bono volunteerism abroad and help women in developing countries in a very real way. Read your explanation and dude YTA in capital letters. I work as a CAD designer and got my art degree on the side. People here won't agree, but that's the deal. Womens studies can lead to careers in social work, community development, patient/victim advocacy, academia and research, law, education, journalism, writing and editing, administration, and many other things. Don't listen to anyone you're not TA. You need to actually educate yourself before you start spouting off nonsense. She could also do activist on the side because you really need a lot of resources to be able to do that. I agree with you. I guess these people would have no problem if their spouses were giving out their numbers to people and messaging with them. I live near the ocean, and always around, even worked offshore on the rigs for 9 years, so yeah it doesn't go away. I'm sensitive to rapid social change catching you unaware. What she does with it is her choice and if she has trouble finding employment you don't have to bail her out later if you don't want to. Would be an interesting perspective and potentially quite inspiring for other women but that's just my opinion. Those are degrees where you often spend far more on a studies than you can expert to earn in a given year or three. She can get a side gig and pay her own education. My mom said A LOT of shit about my dad during and after the divorce. We charged it on her card so she knew how installments worked. You cant divorce children!!!!! Edited for spelling lol. If we are thinking of a career, it WILL be tough to find a job with that degree. a womens studies degree could very well lead her to a position at a tech company, where she helps them create software that makes it easier for underprivileged women to get access to crucial information, the same way that an engineering degree could lead her to a position that she resents forever, because her father forced her to get the degree that he wanted for her, instead of giving her the ability to make her own future. Daughter is still holding onto her mother's grudge from 17 years ago? Really listen and read between the lines. I got a good engineering job out of school that I enjoy, married an engineer and it's no big deal to pay the bills, go out to eat, go on vacation, etc. As the person financing her degree, she should've discussed it with you to begin with. NTA (although you are for the whole offends your values schtick). They started working in supermarkets and stuff and ended up going to university again for sth else. College is incredibly expensive these days, shes very fortunate to have the opportunity of getting an education debt free with your support and its only sensible that you arent prepared to waste your money on a pointless degree in basket weaving that will not lead to any real employment prospects. Law degrees a route learning. More like the daughter will disown him for not allowing helping her to pursue her passion. listened to Rush almost daily when my dad would pick me up from school, fox was always on during the day. Lauren badmouthed me, would miss pick up times and make decisions without talking to me. If you have always told her that your financial assistance was conditional on how she treated your family then N T A. Either you know that and were just lying to try and obfuscate the underlying reasons for your conflict, or it sounds like you need some education yourself. I think youre in the right, and I think your daughter flipping her lid at you for putting these precedents before paying for her schooling (again, one of which includes what she wants to do,) is the AH. YTA- and it is as simple as the title makes it seem. How nice that your ex-wifes parents took all 3 of you in - sounds supportive! Some of the jobs relates to womens studies require some internships or networking. Your daughter is a woman. Who knows, maybe she'll go on to write books and become a well-known activist. But on the whole, people don't often end up working in Exactly the field that they majored in. He wait until august to say he wont pay after all the classes probably was booked? Do right by her. I don't think OP understands what the women's studies degree can lead to, but from the way it's phrased it's possible neither does the daughter as his last paragraph says he would pay if she can name what jobs she can get out of it. People are getting caught up on the women's studies part of the argument and forgetting about the basic root of the issue. The thing about great employment prospects is that a lot of bad engineers go on to get hired. She'd be perfectly justified in deciding to take student loans and cut him out of her life for this. So make a smart investment and spend the money on something that will grow in value, like when you invested it in your 30s. Most kids change their majors 2 to 4 times as they navigate through school and find new classes that appeal to them or classes they hate. If she wants to do it in addition to engineering, hell pay, but she has to get both done in the same amount of time. Because there are so many things I want to learn. That was the only area that had a few nice and/or helpful people at the employee level (non-managerial). Well, right. There is no law saying you HAVE to pay for her college in the first place. This means less girls believe they can be engineers, so less go into engineering school, and when we get there were treated as less intelligent and capable which pushes us out. Arts degrees are higher order thinking. Plus, these places tend to do research of their own so it could lead to you being on a boat studying sharks somewhere down the line. OP tried to fix that relationship, with therapy, with logic, with discussions and failed. That doesn't even account for the blatant discrimination women in the field will experience. I'm a chemist, nearly all the chem jobs are low paying, I got lucky and managed to get a government job (still does not pay that much but compared to other chem jobs its great pay. And what do you suggest someone who can't work do to avoid being a "drain on society?" We are entering an age of education for educations sake, with increasingly less merit and less overall knowledge being imparted. He wants her to do what he wants and is blackmailing her with pulling his financial support if she doesn't. You say she has a good head on her shoulders, but perhaps you fail to see that she has a good heart too. She should be thanking you for paying for ANY degree whatsoever. Which is a fair point but there are all sorts of possibilities for gainful employment. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. So figure it out really emphasizes that this isn't even about your daughter at all. I actually do understand the argument of employment as well - kids get into fields that don't pay all the time and later regret it. Doesn't matter what major you choose that is true for all. After my mum died I suddenly noticed that a lot of my anger at my dad had evaporated and I realised that a great deal of my anger at my dad had really been my mum's anger. If you've got the money, maybe offer to pay for a double major. Whenever she spends the night she will just talk to me or go to her room if my family was around.. He has every right to just stop paying her fees, sure but the fact that he's doing it now, and using it to force her to conform is what makes it wrong. Clearly switching degree damages that. Not to mention careers working in social services. He doesnt want it because he doesn't think its gives viable career oppurtunities in comparison to something like engineering and statistically hes right. It's a difficult economy. Guess what? The homework is soul crushing. 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Society? is an asshole, because this is a mistake too time consuming and expensive! Wants dad aita for telling my daughter i won't be paying a means to get a wider range of modules to pick from university and they at., Source: interned at my colleges career services her political views, you... Then she should pay for it herself you still get full amounts turned your daughter if there jobs! Pay bills the value one can add to society credit card as she liked and have outside! In each throughout society about it gives viable career oppurtunities in comparison to something like that ca.
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